(COPIED FROM MAY 22, 2010 REVIEWS ON MATT IN THE MIDDLE)
Yesterday I went to "the valley" to review a movie. I went to Charlestown Mall in St. Charles to see MacGruber. I ran a few errands in the morning and went to see the 11:05 AM showing of MacGruber. I got there early so I walked around the mall a bit. There are mostly empty stores there. I would say that about 80 - 85% of the stores are empty. The stores that are there are like Aeropostale and Victoria's Secret and the stores that charge way too much for their items. I guess they have to charge so much so they can stay in malls that nobody goes to. If I were blind and I walked by Aeropostale I would have bet that it was a perfume factory. What the heck is going on in there? The only place that was busy in the mall was the center kid's play area where the moms sit and watch the kids play. I don't think malls will ever come back to what they were. Oh, I just won my bid for a new blogging notebook on ebay, yes.....!
It got to be time for the movie and I went and bought my ticket to see the 11:05 showing of MacGruber. It was $5.50 this week. Last week it was only $4.50 hmmmmmm. Rent must have gone up in the mall. I had heard that tumbleweed removal service prices had gone up. I am currently training for a position in this new and exciting industry. I was the first one in the theater and then the people started trickling in. I was surprised by the crowd. The lady who sat next to me (4-5 seats between us) was in her 70's. I am sure that was the main MacGruber demographic when they wrote this movie. The movie began and they started using the "F' word every other word right from the beginning and the character played by Van Kilmer (the villain) was named Dieter Von ("C-word" with an "H" at the end - yes THE "C" word). This movie was terrible. Unless something happened later, because I switched theaters about 15 minutes into the movie. DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE!!! I tried to give it a chance and I wanted to like it but I walked out. It was nice to see that I am better looking than Val Kilmer now though. It was toilet humor with stupid one-liners and I am sure the other hour and 15 minutes were the same.
I left theater 17 and headed down the hall to see what movie started next. It is nice there because they put the movie title and the start time outside of each theater. I was sure this was so I could switch to see whatever move I wanted right? I went into theater 12 - "Letters To Juliet" a chick flick. Is there any way that there can be two stinkers released on the same day? I reviewed this movie for this week so I won't talk much about the movie itself here. I will do the review after this blog but...
You know how when you're in the theater and the ushers (or whatever they are called now since they really don't ush) come into the theater periodically and walk to the front and enter some code or write something down? It turns out that they are doing some kind of an audit of the theater. Counting the people in the theater I guess. Do you know where this is going? I suppose on a busy day they would have a problem but when there's 8 - 10 people in each theater it appears they might be able to get the count a little more accurate. After the kid did his count I saw a guy in a black suit with a clipboard doing a count. Then he left and came back and counted again and left...Uh oh, can you blog from a jail cell? He came in again and started walking up the stairs toward me and went past my row and started talking to some other guy there alone (we were the only singles and this wasn't one of "those" theaters where everybody comes alone). I hear them talking and this guy was a theater-switcher. The nerve of some people. Yes, I had pulled off the perfect crime! Then the Area 51 guy went down the stairs and crossed over the front of the theater and came up the stairs and came down my row toward me....time for a commercial...but since you TiVo's we'll skip the commercial. He sat next to me. "Can I see your ticket stub sir?" he asked. I pulled it from my pocket and said "I switched theaters because I hated MacGruber." "That's okay the movie studios are just really particular about keeping track of the movies. I'll switch the ticket out for you." Was this a trick? I figured he was lying and was going to come back with security but he came back with a new stub for me and that other dude who was alone. I was going to ask the other guy what movie he originally went to see but he left right before the end of the movie; I will say it was MacGruber too. When I first switched theaters I was a bit bummed that my money would add to the weekend total for that crappy MacGruber so this worked out...or did it? Okay, it did!
MacGruber worst movie ever! (said in Comic Book Guy's voice)
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